Couch Potato. An unremarkable day watching spectacular racing.


They try to move us; to use us

Like Judas did Jesus; to please us

Diverting the issues to misuse the peoples

How are we gonna get them out?

How are we gonna vote them out?

Fun Lovin’ Criminals. I can’t get with that.

Today’s lyrical choice was more about wanting to squeeze in a Fun Lovin’ Criminal’s track more than any specific reference. Though the way the world is going, I don’t see anyone being voted out of power any time soon either side of the Atlantic. 

A good friend suggested trying to switch off from reading/watching world news at the onset of my mental ill health, but I found It hard to do so as I was used to keeping up on current issues. More recently I’ve shied away from the news, partly I think down to finally recognising I needed to refocus and partly down to my meds/brain just not being interested. There’s surely only so much disheartening news anyone can take!

So yesterday was quite an unremarkable day. We over slept and didn’t wake till nearly 11am. I didn’t recall any dreams, for what must have been a pretty peaceful 13 hours of kip. 

It meant forcing myself out of bed fairly sharpish to switch on the TV in time to watch the British Touring Car Championship coverage on ITV2. Seven hours of live racing, filled most of my day. 

The racing was as spectacular as my day was unremarkable. So a good day all round.

As I was pretty chilled out and feeling okay, I thought I’d have a read of the progress of the current consultation that is underway with the mental health trust who are delivering my care, but remembered as I went to the online platform, you are only able to log in and contribute Mon - Fri. 8am - 8pm. An irony not lost on me, given my experiences of the crisis team’s lack of medical cover on a weekend! Organisation’s still have some way to go to understanding what good, open consultation/conversation looks like. 

I can’t reconcile a balance of why access should be so limited when an organisation is saying it wants to hear as much feedback as possible and to reach out to as many people as possible. 

Racing finished, I cooked tea, had an early night. Back to Mirtazapine dreams, absolutely convinced I was staying at a colleagues house ready for a 6am alarm, to drive to Portsmouth for a study day. Briefly woke during the night and reached to check my alarm was set on my phone. Of course it wasn’t and it took some time to get my head round I’d been dreaming. They seem so realistic and plausible. Went back to sleep and I woke as my wife’s alarm rang, feeling utterly confused as to what time/day/place it was.

No road trips, no work. Took a good cup of tea to get head round dreams v reality. Which of course is work is a distant dream. This week I meet with my CPN for the first time to start the process of constructing my care plan on the first steps toward my recovery.

I’ll write about the rest of Monday in tomorrow‘s blog, it’s mostly been good, but I’m exhausted. Depression is really tiring at times. 

Love n hugs but only before 10pm

Blot x



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Music and friends come back into my life. Just for one day?

Image
I I will be king And you You will be queen Though nothing Will drive them away We can beat them Just for one day We can be heroes Just for one day David Bowie. Heroes  Today's lyric choice isn't sudden delusions of grandeur, it's simply the first song I listened to last night when I suddenly found myself able to listen to, and really enjoy music again. I'm a regular gig goer usually, I'd not be going at the moment due to my illness, regardless of Covid. But live music had better be around when I'm fit and the world has recovered from the pandemic. Get your hands back in the magic Serco money tree Rishi and support our musicians and venues!!! So yep, glimmers of light, music does influence my mood, so being able to listen really helps, as long as I'm reasonably careful on choices of tracks, I do like a lot of dark stuff, but can avoid it easily enough as I've a pretty eclectic taste.  My wife and I had a great initial meeting yesterday with Brent Kilmurra...
Read more

Drugs and Rock and Roll Discharge......

Image
  Keep your silly ways or throw them out the window The wisdom of your ways, I've been there and I know Lots of other ways, what a jolly bad show If all you ever do is business you don't like Ian Dury and The Blockheads. Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll. Another night of really violent and frightening dreams. They seem so real it takes a while to comeback to the here and now when I wake and realise they were simply dreams. Felt okay, had a relaxing bath and a pretty chilled morning. I sat in the sun, in the back garden and jotted a few notes on my phone to remind myself what I wanted to discuss during my appointment in the afternoon with the Mental Health Crisis Team Consultant Psychiatrist.  2pm and I sat with my wife, or carer as her NHS label reads, for our NHS Attend Anywhere appointment. The tech worked fine this time, having crashed five times on the last appointment! DRUGS We reviewed progress and meds. Stop Fluoxetine immediately. Hooray! Reduce Diazepam. Hooray! Contin...
Read more

How long can I hold a plank? What is a dead bug and do I need a hoist for tomorrow?

Image
The new groups are not concerned With what there is to be learned They got burton suits, huh, you think it's funny Turning rebellion into money All over people changing their votes Along with their overcoats If Adolf Hitler flew in today They'd send a limousine anyway The Clash. White Man in Hammersmith Palais. Had to be up early today as my car was due to be inspected before being returned to the lease company. Congestion on the motorway meant the inspectors arrived two hours late, which meant delaying my scheduled training session. Felt my mood immediately drop, everything seems to be complicated and never goes smoothly. Once the car had been signed off and it was driven away I did feel some sense of relief as it’s taken over a month to arrange. It’s an odd feeling not having a replacement, but a car at this time is a luxury and until life returns to some semblance of normality, I'll live without it. It did at least mean I had time to have some food before training. I’ve ...
Read more