Sex. Express. Getting better all the time, planning a future after a suicide attempt

 

Fellas, I'm ready to get up and do my thing (yeah go ahead!)

I wanta get into it, man, you know (go ahead!)

Like a, like a sex machine, man, (yeah go ahead!)

Movin' and doin' it, you know. Can I count it off? (Go ahead)

One, two, three, four!

James Brown. Get Up I Feel Like Being A Sex Machine

Yesterday I covered drugs and rock and roll. So as promised, today, let’s talk about sex. Don’t be alarmed, just a brief mention, I am British after all and I don’t want to make my kids squirm with embarrassment. Well not on his occasion, surely that is part of every Dads role every now and then...!

For those of you new to this blog, a quick summary. Toward the end of 2019, I started feeling not so great mentally. January 2020, my GP prescribed anti depressants and said don’t try to do any work and if I wanted any kind of help, I’d really have to pay to go private as services were virtually non existent for people of my age with my condition. Due to Covid, that was a non starter as the psychologists I’d had recommend were either doing phone appointments, which I couldn’t do, or weren’t taking on new cases.

9 months later, a failed attempt to complete suicide and being on the verge of being sectioned under the mental health act I finally got the medication I needed. It took a massive crisis, being determined to die and being actively suicidal, to get any kind of mental health service support and input. I am starting to feel well, see a future AND have not thought about death or dying for well over a week now. I’m even starting to feel tiny glimpses of happiness. Early days, but getting there.

I’ve been under the care of my local Mental Health Crisis Team since an urgent referral on Sept 3rd. Not only am I still alive, but tomorrow, touch wood, I’ll be discharged to the Community Mental Health Team, to provide some brief intervention based support and to monitor my continued recovery from my first ever episode of mental illness (aged 53 and a bit).

Multi Agency, User Led, Care Planning

Before I talk about sex, I want to talk about yesterday’s joint meeting we had. My wife and I met with a practitioner from the Crisis Team and a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) from the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) who will be taking over my care on Thursday. As it was a beautiful sunny day, we were able to sit in the garden, safely socially distanced, so no masks required, which makes a massive difference to the quality of conversations, well it does for me.

It was part review of how I was (Crisis Team) and part, getting to know me (CMHT) and me and my wife getting to know the CPN. After reviewing last few days, the CPN explained what CMHT’s role would be in my care and asked what I might want from them.

My wife and I had already started sharing thoughts on this a couple of days before. My ask was pretty simple of CMHT

1. To have a crisis plan, that is agreed and shared with all necessary people and organisations, so that should I relapse, everyone is clear what should be put in place immediately. This is pretty standard practice anyway and I asked them to email me an e-version of their template as I find typing so much easier than hand writing anything. It also means it should make life easier for the NHS staff as they can copy and paste the plan into their systems instead of having to type it!
2. Some practical psychological support whilst I work through some issues I’ve identified that I need to address once I’m well enough to do so. I‘d had a 2 hour assessment with a clinical psychologist from the Crisis Team on the 6th day of being under the care of their team and she’d drawn the conclusion that until I had sedation, a rest and got anti depressants that were right for me, there was no point in even attempting any talking therapy based intervention.
3. This was my challenge to CMHT and I think the CPN was a little taken aback. The health secretary announced earlier this year significant investment in establishing a new National Academy for Social Prescribing. I’d spoken briefly toward the end of last year to one of the directors involved in driving the social prescribing agenda forward. So my ask is a simple, straight forward one. It won’t cost much, can prevent any risk of relapse and actually save the NHS and social care a significant sum of money by giving me the best chance of not only coming off medication, but extending my life, lowering my chances of developing long term or life threatening conditions and minimising my risk of falls etc. Why? Well the medication that is now really helping me is Mirtazapine. It carries a major risk of significant weight gain. I weighed myself prior to commencing it and was pleased to see my BMI was well within the healthy range for a male of my age, height and weight. But. I’d already gained over 2kg in just two weeks. I am still within a healthy BMI range, but I constantly feel hungry and desperately don’t want the medication to have a significant impact on my physical health. I’m only on this drug because I ended up in mental health crisis due to the lack of mental health services in my area. So I feel this ask is fair, appropriate and very easy to justify. 

Social Prescribing

I want to be prescribed a personal trainer, for four to six weeks. I’ve built a gym in the garage. I’ve never used weights before but have cycled a lot and have all the gear, but no idea as they say. 

I’ve requested the agencies involved in my care commission, pay or whatever the phrase is, Tristan Eaglen, a local personal trainer my daughter has, to work with me for a short time to put together a training plan, to coach me to lift and use all the equipment and to get a balance between weights and cardio.

I’ve never ever been to a gym and at the moment my recovery can literally be counted in days, so I need someone I know I can trust and who already knows a bit about me. 

I’m meeting my CPN next week to sit down to write a care plan. Exercise is going to feature strongly, to maintain a healthy weight and body, but also because there is such a HUGE evidence base on the power of sport and exercise.

If I’m told it can’t be done because Tristan isn’t registered with NHS or Social Care Commissioning or some other red tape rubbish, I’ll ask for a personal budget and do it that way. I’ll tag a few folk on social media about this and will be interested to hear their views.

Sex, Sex and more Sex

So on to sex. Said I’d write about it. Look away now kids. Hate to tell you this but as a 53 year old, heterosexual male, it’s still part of my life! I’ve been in a very happy and stable relationship for 30 years and four days (our first ever date was the 19th September 1990), but once I’d persuaded the girl I instantly fell in love with to give me a chance of a second date, we only really seriously started dating in late October. On New Year’s Eve 1990 we got engaged and we got married that May and we celebrate 30 years of marriage on the 16th May 2021. 

You can’t avoid TV, Radio, Internet or magazine adverts for male impotence (you too can score like Pele!), TV adverts for Condoms, Lube, Dating Websites, Sex Toys, etc etc etc. If you were to believe Yorkshire is anything like Emmerdale portrays relationships, now’t would get done as we’d all be busy banging at least two, if not three people, often switching our sexual preferences, and in the case of several of the Dingles, shacking up with close relatives 😳

So, yes, sex is everywhere and despite what preconceptions you may have of what a 53 year old bloke in a 30 year old marriage should or should not dare to get up to in a loving, close relationship, my emotional and physical relationship with my wife means a lot. 

So it was weird that right throughout this period of mental ill health, from my initial contact with my GP in January, through to speaking to I think a dozen crisis team members and now a CPN, not one has asked me about my sexual relationship, other than to tick a box on a form as to what I would describe my sexuality as. All they know is I’ve ticked heterosexual. No one has asked me if I had any worries or sexual problems. Impotence can have a significant impact on a man’s self esteem and mood, as can premature ejaculation and a myriad of other things. 

Anti depressants and sedation can have a major impact on sex drive. It’s probably written in the white sheet of instructions and warnings that comes in the box (oops, accidental innuendo) of tablets, but what bloke on this planet ever reads instructions????!

So another reason for me wanting to keep fit is so that I can look my best for my wife. I still fancy her and love her just as much as I did the moment I knew I had to persuade her to take a risk and agree to share our lives together as husband and wife. She does all sorts of keep fit, including lots of Zumba,  she’ll not answer the door without her full make up on, she always looks stunning when we go out.

I don’t want to become an obese bloke simply because I need to take a tablet to maintain my mental health recovery. I’d lose confidence if I put on significant weight and likely hate the look of myself and so couldn’t expect my wife to fancy me.

The Challenge 

So there’s the challenge. As James Brown sang, “I'm ready to get up and do my thing.” NHS, NYCC, National Academy for Social Prescribing, you need to shout back “Yeah, go ahead!“

Love, lurve and more love

Blot x