A Tower of Strength. Who cares for the Carers?


You rescue me

You are my faith, my hope, my liberty
And when there's darkness all around
You shine bright for me
You are the guiding light
To me
To me
To me
You are a tower of strength to me 
The Mission. Tower of Strength.
It’s Monday morning, it’s pouring with rain and my wife has just set off to her work wearing full scrubs and medical grade PPE to assess a patient. My youngest daughter has come round whilst she is away, to use our gym equipment and to just be around. This gives my wife some reassurance that I have company whilst she is away. 
Whilst I don’t have any active suicidal thoughts, the switch to a new medication regime is a bit of a step into the unknown and it was shortly after a switch that I attempted suicide when my wife popped out shopping. It was very much a spur of the moment thing. I hadn’t anticipated carrying out the attempt, nor had I really planned it. The spontaneity of the attempt shook me and also my wife. I think we are both hyper aware of the risks right now and building trust between us both in knowing I’ll be okay may take a little while.
My wife wasn’t given a choice to be my carer, when I became ill, it was just a role she was expected to assume. Her work have been incredibly supportive, like many during this pandemic, she has been working from home, which has been a god send for us both. Had she not been able to be with me, at best I would likely have had to have been admitted to an inpatient unit, the worst case scenario, well that almost happened. 
Whilst we have had numerous trials and tribulations in accessing my own care, credit where credit is due, it as Just day three into my admission to the care of the Mental Health Crisis Team when my wife had an hour with one of the team to undertake a comprehensive carers assessment. She was given opportunity to discuss all aspects of both mine and her health, her thoughts on my care and an opportunity to discuss her own needs. All the phone numbers on the pack she was given were out of date and unavailable, but she was able to find the correct numbers eventually. 
My wife and family have fought my corner, not only with accessing mental health services, but many other aspects of life. I know I'm very lucky to have them by my side.
Love and Tier 1 hugs
Blot x

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