Did you watch Ambulance last night? Be kind.

All the leaves are brown (All the leaves are brown)

And the sky is grey (And the sky is grey)
I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk)
On a winter's day (On a winter's day)
I'd be safe and warm (I'd be safe and warm)
If I was in L.A. (If I was in L.A.)
California dreamin' (California dreamin')

The Mamas and the Papas. California Dreamin’. 

I’m writing this from a top floor holiday flat, overlooking the whole of the North Bay in Scarborough. My wife has a couple of days annual leave and we booked a very last minute bargain. The sun is out but is still hidden behind the castle. The tide is in and the sea is crashing against the rocks, with the spray covering the pavement and any unsuspecting jogger or dog walker too. 

I ended up emailing CMHT yesterday to ask what arrangements could be made to review my medication. Fair play to them, within three hours a registrar was on the phone to my wife. After four anti depressants in nine months, we all agreed something a little more radical was needed, so Venlafaxine has been added to Mirtazapine, a cocktail referred to by some as Californian Rocket Fuel. Fingers crossed. 

The prescription is due to be emailed to my GP for collection on our return tomorrow. What could possibly go wrong? We’re owed something going smoothly, we definitely can’t face another Saturday fax machine farce....my fingers are crossed and, having read a few research papers on said rocket fuel, I’m feeling some hope that this, coupled with structured exercise and nutrition, will be the pharmaceutical crutch I’ve needed to start to be me once more.

We settled down last night in front of the TV to watch ‘Ambulance’ on BBC1. A real life documentary following a small number of paramedics on shift in London. 

I’ve not been actively suicidal since changing to Mirtazapine and it’s also definitely quietened thoughts of not wanting to be here. The episode focused on mental health, though personally I do wonder why the phrase mental illness is being airbrushed from media narratives? Increasingly I hear ‘Mental Health‘ occasionally  being used by people in the media as being ill. It’s the opposite of course.

The episode opened with an older lady who had attempted suicide and had been aided by passers by. It wasn’t really the relaxing viewing I’d have chosen for our first night away. But it made for compelling, if sometimes uncomfortable viewing. What shone through was the kindness and patience the paramedics showed toward the patients they encountered who were in distress or crisis.

It was also clear the frustration the teams felt at not being equipped to help. Early in the episode, Sarah used the analogy of treating a broken leg, it’s impossible for them to fix a brain in the back fo an ambulance. The rise in 999 call outs for mental illness in London is rising. Keith, another paramedic perhaps had two quotes of the night. “Sometimes people ring their mental Health Crisis Service who go straight out to visit them. And sometimes pigs fly.”

Keith reflected toward the end of the episode on an early encounter In his career, with a person who was mentally ill. After assessing and speaking with him, the man had chosen not to go to hospital and left the ambulance. When Keith asked his colleague if he had done something wrong, he was told he’d forgotten the first basic rule. Be kind. 

I can only speak from my own point of view, but for anyone who maybe struggles with what to do or to say if I’m in crisis, be kind. It’s something that should come naturally to us all, with the exception of politicians, who yesterday voted to let children go to bed hungry during school holidays.

Love and still Tier 1 but apparently North Yorkshire now close to going into Tier 2 hugs

Blot x