Peeling a satsuma with chopsticks


Darling your head's not right

I say alone we stand together we fall apart

Yeah, I think I'll be alright, I'm working so I won't have to try so hard

Tables, they turn sometimes

Oh someday. I ain't wasting no more time

The Strokes. Someday

Big sigh. The last couple of weeks I’ve felt my mood and motivation slipping lower and lower. On the outside I’m functioning to a degree, seeing a few people, mostly family, doing practical stuff like tidying my home office and rearranging/cleaning bedrooms, but inside I’ve known I was beginning to struggle again. 

Just had a visit from my Community Mental Health Nurse and it was productive in so much as it helped me to realise I’m not okay at the moment and need to wind back my goals and ambition. I know I’m becoming increasingly impatient and that’s one of the signs we’ve identified in my crisis plan that suggest I’m not well. 

But.....it’s so frustrating knowing that getting access to a personal trainer for a short while will have a positive impact on not only my physical health but also aid the recovery of my mental health. I’ve just shared my story with the 20th health professional in trying to access the treatment I need. As well as frustrating it’s also exhausting, mentally and physically trying to navigate a system that has so few signposts. 

My local Mental Health Trust is currently carrying out a consultation exercise in order to shape their strategy as an organisation for the next five years. The current phase comes to a close today, (thankfully) which has consisted of staff, service users, carers, etc submitting their thoughts and ideas via an online forum. It’s only been accessible to read and contribute to from Monday to Friday, 8am till 8pm. It is offline and inaccessible every weekend and overnight. Bit like mental health services? 

There was a post I read yesterday that had been submitted by a member of staff, describing using the current online platform used for patients notes as akin to “Peeling a Satsuma with chopsticks”. 

It made me laugh, but it’s a great analogy for the antiquated online tools and tech used locally, but also really captures just how impossible it has felt to get anything useful done by any service during my journey so far.

A duvet day beckons and a meds review next week. 

Love and tier one, or is it tier three(?) hugs

Blot x

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