Harrogate, Boasson Hagen, Split Squats and Bird Dogs.

One day the track that you're climbing gets steep

Your emotions are frayed
And your nerves are starting to creep
Just remember the days
As long as the time that you keep
Brother, you better watch out for the skin deep

The Stranglers. Skin Deep.

A bit of a reflective post today. We’ve increased my coaching sessions to three a week as I’m, dare I say it, enjoying them. So instead of my usual lazy Saturday morning, it was a shot of coffee before heading into the garage for more training. 

Today was a mix of bench lifts, which is the one I feel most confident at out of the five I’m learning. Today also included barbell row lifts, which I’m pretty comfortable with once I can get in the right position. The reps of 12, 8 etc were definitely easier than the exercises in between lifts. The first set of split  squats had my thighs on fire after yesterday’s tank draining bike session, but once TEC, as we’ll now refer to my personal torturer, had altered my posture and position, they did become slightly more stable and manageable. 

After the last session’s dead bugs, today’s new exercise is called bird dog. Once I finally accepted that TEC wasn’t just taking the piss and making names up, I managed to demonstrate how to do them in the guise of a wounded bird and a dead pooch. But as with all the exercises and lifts that TEC is introducing me to, as I learned the technique and made various adjustments to my posture, the exercises became easier to complete correctly.

I really didn’t think I would take to lifting and exercising so readily, it’s been a pleasant surprise and I’m already starting to feel the benefits physically and most importantly, emotionally. It’s still only a matter of weeks since my brain was telling me I didn’t deserve to be here and I spent every waking hour in torment. 

I’m absolutely loving cycling again. I’ve always loved watching it, and living in the heart of North Yorkshire, we’ve been lucky enough to see the World’s best compete on our local roads. Whilst the weather did everything it could to try to ruin the UCI road world championships in Harrogate last year, we didn’t miss a day of the racing. A highlight was going to a fantastic evening starring my favourite commentators Ned Boulting and David Millar, with a brilliant line up of guests including Phil Liggett and one of my favourite riders, Thomas Voeckler. A superb evening was topped off by meeting David and Ned in the bar afterwards. My 81 year old Mum is still grinning at the thought of having had photos with them and getting to meet Phil Liggett again almost 25 years since she last saw him at an event in Southport. 

I mention the UCI’s as one of the routes I love to ride on Zwift is the Harrogate circuit they used for the races. It starts with a long steady climb of 2kms out of Harrogate before a mix of fast descents and more long steady inclines until you head back toward the town and face a climb that ramps up to 9%. I’d never managed to beat 6mins 30 seconds to reach the top, but something clicked yesterday and found myself sprinting to the line to finish just half a second away from being under five minutes. 

As I ride, and for reasons I know not, other than I like his name, I imagine I’m trying to stay on the wheel of Edvald Boassen Hagen, whilst Ned and David commentate on my dogged determination. Not that I was ever going to be a cyclist, but if I was, I’ve always liked the role of domestique. None of your fancy pants Maillot Jaune or Maglia Rosa for me, I’d just do my turn of dropping back to the team’s vehicle, fetching and carrying drinks, gels, food etc, or putting in a mighty stint to get my team leader back to the peloton after an accident. Maybe that’s my depressive mind still not letting me be the leader and feel the joy of success perhaps?

Anyway, back to yesterday’s ride, after a speedy descent (by my standards) past valley gardens and completing the loop round Duchy Road, I found myself at the bottom of the hill that leads to the finish. I’d kept the power up boost 

I’d gained for breaking my personal best on the earlier climb, so hit the featherweight icon and had the luxury of just a few seconds of being able to climb the steepest section relatively okay, despite absolutely dripping with sweat by this point. I dragged my way past Betty’s Tea Rooms and imagined how the commentary would now be building to a crescendo as the seconds ticked by. 200 metres to go and the clock was still reading 29 minutes and something seconds. I’d never ever broken thirty minutes for the circuit. My best time since starting back was over 34 minutes. My legs were burning, heart pounding and I couldn’t see for sweat dripping on my glasses. Over the line I went and.....

29 minutes 50 seconds. DONE IT! A personal best!! I posted a screenshot on Twitter and just to put the icing on the cake, David Millar liked it that evening!

I was absolutely knackered, but didn’t mind. I’d decided I would have a rest day, until I got a text from TEC about ten minutes after hauling myself off the bike to say he would fit in an extra session in the morning. I’m convinced TEC had seen the notification from Strava and decided to be evil......

So what’s happening with my mood, depression and mental health? Well it’s now day 9 with no diazepam or need for paracetamol. I’ve some purpose, routine and structure to my days and week. I have a reason to get out of bed, even if many of my muscles are definitely preferring to remain prostrate whilst they are being introduced to new movements and stretches they’ve never considered. I’m enjoying the sessions with TEC and the chat in between lifts and exercises. It’s also good that my wife can have some time to herself, having not been able to let me out of her sight for pretty much the whole of 2020 due to the risks that would pose.

I’ve still a long way to go before the old ‘Blot’ is back, but I’ve already seen glimmers. In fact I don’t want to go fully back to the old Blot, I know I need to make some changes to ensure I have a life that supports and promotes my mental health. 

Finally, if you think or know that a mate is struggling, send them a message. Don’t push them for an answer, but don’t be afraid to contact them. You might not get an answer, or you may get one eventually. It’s highly likely though that it will be read and appreciated. 

One way of signing off is this.

“Please don’t feel any obligation to reply to this. I know how difficult it can be to deal with things when your mind isn’t right and I wouldn’t want you to feel any pressure.“

Love and tier 2 hugs

Blot