Thank you for being a friend

Thank you for being a friend

Traveled down a road and back again
Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant

I'm not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow

Andrew Gold. Thank you for being a friend. 

Well 2020 didn’t work out as planned. I can’t imagine there is anyone who won’t be glad to see the back of it. Whilst I think it’s going to take much of 2021 for us to get back to any kind of normality, I do at least go into the new year in a very different place mentally, than 12 months ago.

If there are positives I can draw from the last 12 months, one of the biggest is the reset I’ve had in what I value, with friendship right at the top, with of course, family. Through the course of my depression, I’ve had a small number of close friends who have been there through thin and thinner, putting up with my numerous down days, and being there to meet up on my good ones, when COVID rules have allowed. I’ve reconnected with former colleagues and also met some wonderful new friends online, who make me laugh and inspire me with the way they confront their own challenges. 

But there has also been some really disheartening responses from people who I’d previously considered friends. I can safely say that having a mental illness for 12 months is a way of discovering people’s true colours. It’s not necessarily a good way, and I’d prefer not to have found out by this method, but I guess I can say depression has done me a favour in now being connected to people who truly care for each other.

Whilst I’m still taking each day as it comes, and not getting too carried away, I know I’m much closer to being able to work than I was 12 months ago. If you’ve been reading my blogs, you’ll know I’ve not had a good experience with mental health services, particularly when I needed them most, though all is good now. One thing I definitely want to do in 2021 is to use those experiences to get involved again in contributing towards improving our local mental health provision. I don’t know what level of involvement that may be, but my journey has reignited my passion to get involved again.

A huge positive has been the impact having a personal coach has had on both my mental health and physical health. Since the 3rd December, I’ve spent over 14 hours weight lifting and I’ve cycled 444kms. I’ve exercised every day other than Xmas Day & Boxing Day. I look forward to the sessions, they’ve given me the structure, routine and focus I was lacking. My fear on commencing Mirtazapine was the risk of significant weight gain, which indeed happened, putting on more than 8kg in less than two months. However, that is rapidly being corrected, purely through exercise. I’ve lost 10cm off my waist circumference and dropped over 3kgs. 

I couldn’t sign off the year without saying a huge thank you to my wife and family. It’s actually 30 years to the day that we got engaged and will be our 30th anniversary in May. When I became ill in January, Amanda became my carer. She had no support for almost nine months, during which time, whilst working full time from home, she had to spend all waking hours knowing where I was and making sure I stayed alive. We had some very tough times, but throughout it our relationship remained rock solid. Only yesterday we talked about it and Amanda said to me that she was only able to cope and do it because we love each other. It makes me feel extra lucky to be with her and to also have two very loving and lovely daughters, who make us proud every day.

So without getting too soppy, there have been positives through a pretty shit year.  I’m hopeful there will be many more in 2021. I can’t wait for the day when we can meet up again, there are some very big hugs to be given out!

New Year can be a tough time for a lot of people. If you think or know a mate is struggling, send them a message. Don’t push them for an answer, but don’t be afraid to contact them. Believe me, if there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s to stay in touch with those you value and those that value you. You might not get an answer straight away, but you might get one eventually. Either way, it’s highly likely your message will be read and appreciated. 

One way of signing off is this.

“Please don’t feel any obligation to reply to this. I know how difficult it can be to deal with things when your mind isn’t right and I wouldn’t want you to feel any pressure.

Love and Tier 3 face masks

Blot