365 days on.


Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life
Green Day. Good Riddance (Time of your life)
Wasn’t sure how I’d feel today, I’ve been aware for the past few days that I was feeling a little edgy. Luckily we’ve had some really fab days filled with sunshine, so we could be outside and meet up with family. But all the time, in the back of my mind was today was coming. It’s only another day, but it’s 365 days since that day. 
Maybe I should try turning it around and be celebrating that on this day a year ago, things didn’t work out how I’d decided they should. That would be kind of macabre wouldn’t it? I’d prefer to forget it all together, but to do so feels dangerous, reckless. I never ever want to be in a place where the only solution at that time, that somehow makes total sense, is taking your life. 
I know I’ve been a bit quiet today and kept myself to myself. I knew when I woke up I needed to. The huge difference is I said it out loud as we were getting up, so my wife knew that I was first and foremost okay, but also so she understood why I wanted a bit of quiet and me time. 
Nothing prophetic to say, no life affirming messages to pass on. All I can say is if you are in that place right now, no matter how bad it feels, it can and does get better. 
Keep on keeping on 
Blot x

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